Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
