I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
