I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
