1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
