My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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