I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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