Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
