i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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