No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
