if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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