look no pants
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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