He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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