Will you blow on my dice?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
