i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
40s are totally the cure
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
