I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
