It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
