Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
