i wish there were pregnant emoticons
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Last time i carry you out of a forest
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
