Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
