We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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