this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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