I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
