I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
