we're chasing vodka with high fives
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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