Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
