Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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