so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
