is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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