And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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