nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
