i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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