you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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