I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
