I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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