Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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