sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
