i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
