Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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