I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
