i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
