Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
