life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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