Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We need a shit load of segways right now
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
