I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
