my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
