I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
