got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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