You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
