just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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