I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize