By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she told me i tasted like america
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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