Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize