some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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