Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
