Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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