life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
