I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We need to get me chipped asap
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
