ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize