Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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