On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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