If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
