There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
