I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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