apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
