she's into porn, im staying here tonight
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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