I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
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