It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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