He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
